Except that in practice, he actually is a role model for a large number of people in the military.

Well, yeah; "Shut up, do as you're told, and we'll succeed in exterminating those other people" is a lesson the military takes in a somewhat different light from the general public.

I agree. Ultimately, he does all the things he does because the system is using him. Harry Potter is closer to a perverse ideal than Ender.

The thing about Harry Potter is he makes mistakes, he has setbacks. It's not just win after win after improbable win.

Spoiler alert: Ender commits xenocide just to prove his worth. Is that a win?