Based on what I read from your original post it sounds like you made the right decision at your old job. Well I can emphasize with you on this post, the one part that doesn't make any sense is that you're only 20 years old. That's considered very young in this world, and works to your advantage.

Anyway, if you're thinking of suicide, please seek out professional help. Please!!! If there's anything you should do next, that would be it. And don't be ashamed of doing so, it's the cool thing to do.