This was our second adoption. The first was for an infant. We planned for another infant adoption for #2, but several things conspired to change that.
The first of those was that the political winds in country of child #1 had changed such that the adoption programs in that country were practically at a stand-still. So we looked around. I believe that Ethiopia was the only other place we could adopt from due to our age/income/etc.
For our first adoption, we were given a referral. Basically, this is your child, take it or leave it. For our second adoption, we were given a video of all the children in the orphanage...oldest first. We were told that the orphanage would only house children up to age 12. And we learned that the prospects for children who had "aged out" were not very good.
So we decided to adopt one of these older children. And since we had clearly lost our minds, we called the adoption program director and asked her for advice. She said that she always gives people the same advice: "If you can possibly adopt two children at once, do it". We were obviously completely out of our minds, because we took her advice.
Of course it was very challenging at times, especially at first, for both us and them. But I am so glad we took that advice. The feeling of isolation that children in these situations have to face...it's probably the hardest part for them. And it makes sense to me that in any situation, no matter how hard, it's much easier when there is someone in your same situation you can talk to about it.
We are in contact with many other families who have adopted older children. It seems obvious to us that our girls have dealt with those challenges better than most.
There is a documentary that aired on PBS, "Girl, Adopted" about a girl adopted from the same orphanage as our girls at around the same time. I could definitely identify with a lot of what is depicted in that program, but...I think it was just a bit harder for Weynsht and her family than it was for us. Alas, it isn't free ($10 for streaming/download): http://www.girladopted.com/
Below is most insightful part of your post below ( in case anyone happens upon this post but skims through without reading).
> "If you can possibly adopt two children at once, do it"... Of course it was very challenging at times, especially at first, for both us and them. But I am so glad we took that advice. The feeling of isolation that children in these situations have to face...it's probably the hardest part for them. And it makes sense to me that in any situation, no matter how hard, it's much easier when there is someone in your same situation you can talk to about it.
I'd be interested in reading a blog post describing your experience, or at least some part of it.